Always and Forever Alone
by SavageKol
Summary: "Kol Mikaelson felt everything. His soul was dark but his heart was fragile. He had been this way since he was just a boy and that only amplified after he turned. Kol felt rage, bitterness, and jealousy over his siblings "always and forever" that he was never apart of but above all else, Kol Mikaelson felt lonely."


Hey there! Sorry for any mistakes or errors. This is my take on Kol, if you like it leave a review!

* * *

More than one thousand years on this earth tended to change a person. When you see all the horrors and betrayals the world has to offer, it hardens you until you are the worlds biggest horror. Kol Mikaelson was no exception to this; in fact he may be the greatest example. Once upon a time before everything went to shit in a hand basket, Kol was a very happy, albeit mischievous little boy. His parents weren't great but he had three amazing big brothers, and a younger sister and brother. Contrary to what one may believe by what they would see of his family now; Kol was once close with all his siblings.

Elijah Mikaelson, the noble and loyal Mikaelson, had once adored Kol. While Niklaus was Lijah's best friend, Kol was almost like a son to him. Kol had always had a childlike quality to him, seeming so much younger than he actually was. Elijah taught him how to hold a sword, taught him manners and honor, and how a noble man should act. When Kol fell down, Elijah would pick him up. When Kol was hurt, Elijah was the one to carry him home and patch him up. When Kol was scared, he'd run to Elijah for comfort. Elijah gave Kol the sex talk, told him how to handle bullies, Elijah basically raised him and Kol looked up to Elijah like no other. One of his worst fears in life was disappointing him. He wanted nothing more than for Elijah to be proud of him, and Elijah was for the first 16 years of his life.

Finn Mikaelson, the boring, pessimistic, suicidal and downright Debbie downer of a vampire was once a great brother to Kol. He'd never been exceptionally close to any of his siblings, sans Freya before she died, but he developed a soft spot for the mischievous and rambunctious child Kol had been. You see, Kol had a hard time sleeping as a child so Finn would tell him stories into the wee hours of the night, until the boy finally passed out. They would talk; confess their secret fears, their wishes for the future, everything Kol worried made him seem weak. Finn never begrudged Kol for being an emotional child, and by sharing with him in return, Finn not only finally made a connection outside his mother, but he provided a safe place for Kol to talk his heart out without judgment. While Kol went to Elijah if he was hurt or upset, he went to Finn with his insecurities and the things he was too embarrassed to tell anybody else. Finn never told him to "man up" or "stop crying." While he knew Elijah wouldn't either, Elijah was the one who was teaching him how to be a man and his irrational fear of disappointing him stopped him from admitting what he deemed petty or girly.

Niklaus Mikaelson the angry psychotic hybrid, the one who everybody wanted to save. Kol had always had an odd relationship with him. He'd often feel jealous when Nik got more attention from his siblings than him. He was jealous that Elijah saw him as an equal instead of his kid brother. As he got older this childish jealousy got darker, but it had started out innocent. Despite this occasional jealousy, Nik and Kol had a good relationship. Nik liked to pick on him but Kol could remember Nik attacking a kid who bullied him when he was a small child and while never confirmed he knew it happened even up until he was a teenager. He protected Kol from Mikael, his greatest fear and he would take Kol on adventures that the boring Elijah and Finn were too uptight to allow. Nik was his friend, his big brother, his protector. They fought, they played, they laughed and they loved each other.

Rebekah was his little sister. Less than a year younger than him, she was the closest to him in age. She was his partner in crime, and he liked to pick on her much like Nik did to him. Funnily enough, as Rebekah got older she developed protective instincts for Kol as much as he her, seeing as how he was a child at heart. She would scare away the village girls who weren't good enough for her brother and plotted against anyone who was unkind to him. Rebekah Mikaelson was once his best friend. He would have done anything for her, and some part of him probably still would. She was a free spirit much like himself, and the two of them just wanted to see the world. While the two looked nothing alike, they were often mistaken for twins with how intoned and close to each other they were. He remembers even as a child he was possessive of their friendship, terrified somebody would come along and steal her from him. They bickered like cats and dogs but loved each other fiercely.

Henrik was his baby brother. The kid who looked up to him and wanted to be just like him, the one who made him feel special. His little brother had a light in him, one the Kol desperately needed as life started to beat him down. Hen looked at him like he hung the moon and he loved that boy to pieces. He followed Kol around, learning everything Kol could teach him, some passed down from Elijah, and some learned on his own such as from his studies into magic. Kol was a bit of a prodigy in that area, surpassing that of even his mother, not that she knew how talented he was. Kol beat the snot out of anyone who dared pick on his little brother, explored the forest with him and played childish games that he secretly loved. The two adored each other and to the amusement of all their siblings, seemed to have the same level of maturity.

The point is, Kol was once close to all of his siblings. Then Nik and Elijah got obsessed with Tatia and didn't even notice when Kol was hurt and needed them the most. While Elijah and Nik found love in some strumpet, Kol fell into a depression and even found himself a stalker. Kol had always been a trouble magnet, but his brothers had always been there, protecting him and defending him. Now, for the first time in his life, Kol Mikaelson had to save himself. His heart hardened after that and he became what his siblings would describe as "obnoxious, dark and cynical". This change in behavior pushed them all away from him and suddenly he was alone. Henrik was the only one who didn't abandon him. He snapped at the kid a few times, pushed him away but Henrik was stubborn and could see how alone and hurting Kol really was. So from that day on, Kol only let Henrik in. He took out his anger on his other siblings by pushing their buttons but some part of him may have just wanted their attention too. Not that he'd admit that. This went on for two years and soon all his relationships, sans Henrik, were in shambles.

Then came the day that Henrik Mikaelson died,

Kol felt the last of his resolve crumble and spent the next few months in a drunken haze, sleeping with whomever and drowning himself in dark magic, trying anything to bring his brother back and to feel something other than helplessness and rage.

Then his mother and father took the last thing he had, something he held so dear to his heart; his magic. From that day on they became the originals. Kol became a monster, and his siblings deemed him irredeemable, they saw nothing of the boy they once all adored, so they focused all their energies on Niklaus, who still shined through as the boy he once was despite his comparable levels of cruelty.

They never realized the truth. Kol was just the best damn actor to ever walk this earth, he hid behind a carefully crafted mask and reveled in mayhem and destruction because that was all he had left.

Instead they though him heartless. They thought him unfeeling.

Kol had been called many things in his long existence.

" _Psychopath."_

" _Immature."_

" _Narcissistic."_

" _Obsessive."_

" _Murderous."_

" _Unfeeling._ "

And let's face it, murder was his favorite hobby. It was no secret that Kol had to be the most immature, narcissistic psychopath to ever exist with severe obsessive tendencies.

While that all may be correct, the truth was that hidden deeply behind his mask, Kol Mikaelson felt everything. His soul was dark but his heart was fragile. He had been this way since he was just a boy and that only amplified after he turned. Kol felt rage, bitterness, and jealousy over his siblings "always and forever" that he was never apart of but above all else, Kol Mikaelson felt lonely.

* * *

AN:

 _My ages for them are probably a little different. I know it was confirmed that Elijah is only like 23 or 24 but I don't like that so he's older. Ages are as followed when turned_

 _Finn (29)_

 _Elijah (27)_

 _Niklaus (25)_

 _Kol (19)_

 _Rebekah (18)_

 _Henrik (13 when he died, but would of been 14 when they turned. I'm not sure how long it actually took Esther to plan their turning but I imagine a spell so complex wouldn't of been an over night thing so I'm going with 4-5 months later)_


End file.
